Alright, after leaving the library after posting the first edition of this blog, I had so many ideas and afterthoughts that came to mind. I was listening to my peers and realizing had so much more to add and possibly correct. I don’t like to delete anything I write. It’s how I feel in that moment, and don’t want to deny myself that truth. So, I will now continue the topic with a little more umph…
Part Une was more so ranting than discussion. I have been working on this issue of honesty/truth for quite a while now, and more so in the past week than previously. Truth amongst things like friendships, work, and myself. Today, after having a completely honest conversation with someone about my true feelings about a situation between us, I have a lot more understanding and respect for them, and vice versa. I also have a MUCH better understanding of myself and what I’m looking for in life. Once we put our force fields down, we were able to calmly say what we needed to say, and accept the other person’s side. The relief was as intense as lifting an elephant off of a packing peanut. We not only realized that we were both fretting over nothing, but also that the whole damn thing was just plain stupid to begin with. The truth was, we just made a mountain out of a mole hill. When you get into your head like that, not carrying the torch of truth, you tend to get lost in the darkness of your emotions.
I also thought about the little white lies we all tell ourselves to help us sleep at night. Our weight on our driver's license. Mine is actually going WAY down for once... Then, we lie when someone asks us how we're doing, and we just instinctively say "Fine". "Fine" stands for "F-ed up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional". I catch myself doing it all the time, and my one dear friend advised me to be totally honest in everything I say. Even if I'm PMSing, or menstruating or constipated. When someone asks me, I have to answer. Not the most uplifting experience at first. But, oddly enough, it gives some people more respect for you. When you realise that there is no shame in life, and it's qualities (good and bad), and you become honest in everything, your self confidence builds. Mine has grown larger than Anna Nicole BEFORE Trimspa. You begin to learn that other's people perception of you doesn't matter, even if they think you're a liar, or just stretching the truth. you have that confidence to know that you are without fault, and learn to not give two shits about what they think. They only think like that because they are lying themselves, about the same issue or have the same problem they are gossiping to everyone about you to and are in a massive denial. I deal with such a person on a daily basis. I scream, kick the massive workout bag at the Y, and just say "F-it". She wants to talk about my life, and take my inventory, she can go right ahead. I'm not the one giving BJ's for cigarettes... I'm sorry, did I mention that out loud?
The truth of the matter is, honesty will set you free. Free of guilt, the game of coming up with the next lie to fit in with the other two you made up before, and then covering all that up with another one, etc... You feel strong about yourself. You can look yourself in the mirror and be happy with your actions. Just give it a try. For one week, be 100% honest in everything you say. If you're having a crappy day, and your boss asks you, tell him/her. If someone asks you if you really think they look fat in those jeans... tell them. You might just save them the embarrassment of going in public with a massive muffin top. And also, earn the respect and the knowledge that they can trust you in how things are. Not for spite, but for the sake of being true and a friend. You'll look in that same bathroom mirror, and see a true smile.
Tomorrow, I am stepping into an arena where truth and honesty are ESSENTIAL. If myself, or the other party are even the tiniest bit dishonest, all bets are off. It'll be the Cuban Missile crisis all over again. I really don't want a Bay of Pigs in my life right now... I am pledging my commitment to this treaty. I respect them, and love and care for them. I just need to tell them that I know a lot more about them then they think, and they need to know the wrongs we have both done. I just hope that the other one will honour it the same Where is Fredrick's local Swedish embassy? I need a neutral person for back up...
Now... as for zits and wrinkles that go along with that smile... that's a whole other blog...
